We need to quit the culture of robbery. Teach your boys that women are people—and then live what you teach. Demonstrate that women are people—and their bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit—in how you talk to your boys (consider the implications of saying that your boy cries, throws, or runs "like a girl"). Praise self-control to both boys and girls. Expect self-control from boys and men, as well as women and girls.
As a licensed therapist, I have built my practice on working with women; teens, college students, young professionals, working moms, stay at home moms, empty-nesters, even grandmothers. The stories of abuse, degradation, fear, silence and shame are an ever-present theme in my office. When I hear their stories I often see accompanying questions in their eyes “will you believe me?”, “will you judge me or blame me?”, “am I safe here?” So what can we do for or say to someone who has experienced abuse or harassment? How can we be a part of changing the conversation and changing our culture?
But not in the way you think.
Me too–I’ve objectified women.
It’s surprisingly terrifying to say this out loud, to type it in black and white. I’m afraid of being branded a “pervert;” I’m afraid that people I care about will feel uncomfortable being around me.
But I’m even more terrified of nothing ever changing.
I asked my friend Sandi to weigh in on the #metoo and I want you to see her credentials before reading our conversation.
Dr. Sandra Glahn , Associate Professor of Media Arts and Worship at Dallas Theological Seminary, BA, ThM, PhD. Dr. Glahn is a multi-published author of both fiction and non-fiction, a journalist, and a speaker who advocates for thinking that transforms, especially on topics relating to art, gender, sexual intimacy in marriage, and first-century backgrounds as they relate to gender. Dr. Glahn’s more than twenty books relate to bioethics, sexuality, and reproductive technologies as well as ten Bible studies in the Coffee Cup Bible Study series. She is a regular blogger at Engage, bible.org’s site for women in Christian leadership, the owner of Aspire Productions, and served as editor-in-chief for Kindred Spirit from 2008 to 2016.
I met him when I was in my early 20s. He was in his early 30s and it didn't take long for us to go from acquaintances to dating to marriage. A few months in to the relationship, he started pointing out to me that I struggled with communication. He said I tended to be selfish and interrupted him. I was embarrassed and tried really hard to pay attention to this and change. But it seemed like the harder I tried, the more frustrated he was at my poor communication or something else. He started needing me to be readily accessible. The more frequently he needed me to answer his phone call or respond to a text message, the more opportunity there was for me to miss a message from him. When that happened, I would be scolded and criticized, so when I wasn't with him, if possible, I tried to keep my ringer on and have my phone in front of me. However, I would still miss his communication at times and the scolding grew to screaming, the criticism to cursing. I continued to be a poor communicator in his eyes and in addition to being told I was a poor communicator, I started being told I was a poor decision maker. Every day, sometimes multiple times a day, he called me an idiot. With tears, I asked him to stop, but he just told me that he wouldn't call me an idiot if I would stop acting idiotically.
The progress we've made to dignify women as image bearers is not enough. This was on repeat in my brain last week like a mantra. The progress we've made to dignify women as image bearers is not enough. The progress we've made to dignify women as image bearers is not enough.
So, I went to Facebook and posted:
Maybe it's the one year anniversary of 45’s tapes dropping or the Lecrae concert or #metoo trending or Weinstein or that it's Domestic Violence Awareness Month or that I am reading Genesis 14-19 in message prep mode, but I am beyond fed up with misogyny. I'm done. I'm so done. And I'm undone.